It seems to be, that your love is over, dear L. over…I´m really very sure, it has never exist,  just in my mistaken vision of your emotions, because you just played games – and in that way you take part to several games.

You forced me to erase this side and I became awareness know, why you did it: you are afraid, that “all your other affairs” could google your name “Lu.* Bü?gen” and recognize, what´s up…

So, I don´t wanna talk no more, so I decided this wired way –   no Private Talk, so Take This Way by wired.

I´m really sure, you won´t read it, but maybe – if their is oder was any emotional “phase” between us, you will know it in any way….

I never tried to talk – face-to-face – to you about my emotions for you, which for me are anchored in the deepness of the ground – in my heart. It´s no more anything, it WAS all of you, I loved and respect. For me – in time added – you were my endlessness, but this endlessness will end one day – this day seems to be today!. But it is true, that you enforced in indirect way the best of me, the best side, the human side – you change my vision of life at all!

Now you may respond, “that is (your) profession” – “to enable people to perceive” and this way you empower me to spot on about reality and mark spots as footsteps of my “cognized” reality – that´s my actual spot, but even that your „love“ was not unique – instead you „dash“ it to many women same time – for me, I can´t understand.

Helpfull and – at least – initial in this “reality-envolving” was the (first) device for “Kevin Klein in Krefeld” and his way to handle google-search. This “Kevin Klein” caught me to fell down in a virtual slipstream, where I discover reality-essentials trough google advices real-time..

But it was not just the advice for Kevin, through which I recognized, how life and world works. This knowledge I carry deep inside, but it was submerged under the senselessly  debris of my consciousness , but like in every sky-surface, even in my cloud, there was a silver lining – shining up to gold now soon?

Now you may reclaim about, I dashed my debris on you… My vision once was, that we would create s.th. new to gether new sin signed in our “common garbage” – consolidated in perfect stats. But now I know, that this illusion never could get real, because, you play this illusion-game to several women at the same time.

But, dear L., you denied any question belonging “stat-consolidation”, so I took that part “of you”, you were free to offer and give. I know about your embarrassing sense, when we walked to car-station in Krefeld – that day, your jealously neighbor…(–>). That day, you “send me down into coal cellar with one blind eye – like Grand Duke of Büsgen resumed in his historical reflections of life and love.  This “memorial”  of Grand Duke of Büsgen contains open end. First – I know – he wrote a complex and closed memorial with tragic-lethal end, but later on Büßgen reflected about influences to real-time and decided to take off with erasing the fatal element of death – maybe Büßgen thought, that he was able to delete his future by stats?

Sometimes. when we were together, I could take part in your existential visions, especially listening to music of Amy Whinehouse, Frank Zappa and Youssou N´Dour and sure: BAP. In this few moments I felt common with you and was able to touch “universe” and hoped, to tag it together with you. But that was not able to become stat. You know, that Zappa could talk through me  But the most favorite “claim” was Youssou N´Dour for me… I felt my roots, my origins clear up my consciousness – scientific narrated: like erasing IP and translocate rest-IP into flexible, new CCS-Rowlow-style.

I understood and could translate any phrase, any spot of Youssou N´Dour and his contents. That where really grounding stats for the surroundings, I belong to. Youssou, my Brother Anchor Past,  performed BAP for you,  😉 for that we could have found and ground new scenery for us, but I could n´t feature this stat by time and you – as you almost did – deny.

You know, around 1 year ago, I dreamed of you with another w., my dreams was true – as I know now… I even know that there just was one other women, instead it seems, that you change every week. Now I´m afraid of infections, I could have get through you.

So, maybe your denial resolves from your altered view, that just saw the “friday-night-**  me and you were ** to see mne gone before !samedi” morning. Because I was just the **r for your essential be…YOU just used my to dash your personal pression away.

Maybe, you saw me just as rubbish, which has to be wasted soon, before that creepy figure gets boring you…?

Maybe I saw you jailed in some hosp. in the past, maybe my vision of dark cellar was past mixed up to my dreams in n-dimensional rooms? Maybe this jailed season of your life describes your eternal character all right as a „psycho“?

Maybe it´s better to change your thinking and stay together at all your people: Africa – I understood.

http://frankfutt.de/april-april-das-bus-gen/bus-gen-personae/

http://frankfutt.de/2012/04/01/psychopath-der-liebe/